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The Book of Famous Quotes: The Complete Collection

 :: 1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.
~ Mark Twain - [Self-esteem]

 

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The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction, is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse with the other sex sexually, at any time of life. During twenty-three days in every month (in the absence of pregnancy) from the time a woman is seven years old till she dies of old age, she is ready for action, and competent. As competent as the candlestick is to receive the candle. Competent every day, competent every night. Also, she wants that candle -- yearns for it, longs for it, hankers after it, as commanded by the law of God in her heart.
~ Mark Twain - [Sex]

 

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The Pause; that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, however so felicitous, could accomplish it.
~ Mark Twain - [Silence]

 

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It takes an enemy and a friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart. The one to slander you, and the other to get the news to you.
~ Mark Twain - [Slander]

 

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Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
~ Mark Twain - [Smile]

 

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To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did, I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times.
~ Mark Twain - [Smoking]

 

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I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating.
~ Mark Twain - [Soldier]

 

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If you have nothing to say, say nothing.
~ Mark Twain - [Speakers and Speaking]

 

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There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus.
~ Mark Twain - [Speakers and Speaking]

 

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There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.
~ Mark Twain - [Speculation]

 

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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
~ Mark Twain - [Speech]

 

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There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.
~ Mark Twain - [Statistics]

 

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October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.
~ Mark Twain - [Stock Market]

 

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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then Success is sure.
~ Mark Twain - [Success]

 

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Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
~ Mark Twain - [Success]

 

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There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.
~ Mark Twain - [Success]

 

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We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the human race.
~ Mark Twain - [Success]

 

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There it is: it doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on! somebody to hold in light esteem, somebody to be indifferent about.
~ Mark Twain - [Superiority]

 

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Let me make the superstitions of a nation and I care not who makes its laws or its songs either.
~ Mark Twain - [Superstition]

 

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I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer.
~ Mark Twain - [Taxes and Taxation]

 

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