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 :: 1895-1977, American Comic Actor

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Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
~ Groucho Marx - [Sex]

 

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I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.
~ Groucho Marx - [Television]

 

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No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
~ Groucho Marx - [Time and Time Management]

 

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I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me.
~ Groucho Marx - [People]

 

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Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
~ Groucho Marx - [Politicians and Politics]

 

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I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
~ Groucho Marx - [Poverty and The Poor]

 

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Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
~ Groucho Marx - [Poverty and The Poor]

 

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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
~ Groucho Marx - [Jokes and Jokers]

 

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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
~ Groucho Marx - [Leaders and Leadership]

 

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One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
~ Groucho Marx - [Marriage]

 

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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
~ Groucho Marx - [Faces]

 

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There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
~ Groucho Marx - [Honesty]

 

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I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
~ Groucho Marx - [Cooking]

 

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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
~ Groucho Marx - [Death and Dying]

 

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There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
~ Groucho Marx - [Envy]

 

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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
~ Groucho Marx - [Age and Aging]

 

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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
~ Groucho Marx - [Age and Aging]

 

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I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
~ Groucho Marx - [Association]

 

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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
~ Groucho Marx - [Autobiography]

 

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Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
~ Groucho Marx - [Birth]

 

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